I think i peed on brittanys purse
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I smell like Dick and happiness
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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