I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
