Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize