I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize