So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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