he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
