Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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