You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
