you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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