yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
