Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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