so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
