There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
