Do you still have your period?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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