I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
