The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
