So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
