we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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