I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
