did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
