look no pants
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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