Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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