I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
