Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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