I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's rum buckets o'clock
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize