i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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