Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Come see our sink grown plant.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
