dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
