So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
