You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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