I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
