the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
