she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
