Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you had me at cake vodka
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
