You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize