Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
