Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize