Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
