We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
