I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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