what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
