Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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