Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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