wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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