Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
