whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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