I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
