im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
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Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
