I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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