i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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