Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
