I forgot how hot balto sounded
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
