i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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