I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
