The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
