There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
