Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
