I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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