When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
