Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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