Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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