It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
