our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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