I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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