she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
