i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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