well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
