You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
