I like to think it a success when the cops are called
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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