Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
