Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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