No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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